No personal muggings scheduled until tomorrow Thursday, Dec 20 2007

Characters
Laura, bum, man getting coffee

Location
Coffee shop across the street from a hotel in San Francisco

Scene
A bum follows Laura from the street into the coffee shop and starts asking her for money.

Bum
Excuse me, Miss, you got any money?

Laura
No, somebody stole my wallet.

Bum
Who stole your wallet?

Laura
I don’t know I didn’t see who stole it.

Bum (pointing out the man getting coffee)
He’s got money. Did he take your wallet?

Laura
No, I don’t think so.

Bum (to man getting coffee)
Hey man, why you stole her wallet?

Man getting coffee
Uh sorry, I don’t have any personal muggings scheduled until tomorrow.

Of course, unlike the other scripts, this one was not experienced by me personally, but the first time I heard about the ordeal I knew it deserved a better fate than withering away in memory.

Leave a Response »

 

Your drink is evaporating faster than mine Saturday, Dec 8 2007

Characters
Zavi, Laura, Erica, random grad student

Location
Washington University, Earth and Planetary Sciences Christmas party

Scene
Erica is drinking hot cider, while the grad student next to her is drinking eggnog. I more or less randomly enter their conversation.

Erica
He is saying that because my drink is warm and his is cold, mine is evaporating faster.

Laura (who is actually TA-ing the thermodynamics class random grad student is taking)
Well … yeah.

Erica
Really? How much?

Zavi
I think the difference is negligible … if you can actually hold that cup in your hand.

Aside from this being probably the dorkiest party conversation I’ve ever been witness to, it was made so much more amusing by the fact that I was the only non-scientist there, yet I presentation my opinion so matter of fact that it ended the debate.

Find out more about scripts
or see all of them here.

Leave a Response »

 

Speechless Thursday, Oct 12 2006

Characters
Zavi, Girl and some other people sitting around

Location
Classroom

Scene
I’m sitting in the classroom after the class listening to a conversation between two girls sitting next to me. The conversation started out when the girl was looking at the picture of a pregnancy test on the web.

Zavi (with sarcasm)
I never understood why you need two lines on there. Why not just have yes or no?

Girl
Well one is just a test strip.

Zavi
So are you pregnant?

Girl
No, but this other b**** is, but I don’t think it’s my boyfriend’s.

Zavi
Wait, your boyfriend got another girl pregnant?

[I can't remember exactly what was said after that, she said a lot but it basically continues something like this]

Girl
Well he just got out of jail, so he got with the first chick he could.

Zavi
I see. What was he in jail for?

Girl
Here, I’ll show you.

[She pulls up a myspace page of some chick that's obviously too young]

Girl
Don’t look too hard, she’s 15.

Zavi
No worries, my age cut-off is quite a bit over the legal age.

[She clicks a few links and gets to another picture of a bunch of guys standing around]

Girl
Here’s my boyfriend at his sex-offender class.

[She said this in an almost cheerful way — I really couldn't think of anything else to say]

Zavi
Wow, you must be proud?

Honestly, what the hell do you say after a bit of conversation like that. Never understood how women can expect anything but the worst for guys likee that. And for the record, the guy is in his late 20s.

Find out more about scripts.

Leave a Response »

 

Is it mine? Tuesday, Jun 27 2006

Characters
Zavi, Guy, Guy’s girlfriend

Location
A gas station, down town St. Louis

Scene
I’m filling up my car with gas as this guy, who’s been just standing around, walks up to me …

Guy
Hey man!

Zavi
What’s up?

Guy
Listen man my wife’s pregnant and …

[I interrupt him]

Zavi
Is it mine?

Guy
What?

Zavi
Is — it —MINE? … The kid??

[guy looks at me surprised]

Guy
What’cha tryin’ to say man?

Zavi
I’m trying to say … was it me who knocked up your girl?

[The guy is getting somewhat pissed but obviously trying to keep his composure]

Guy
No man, she’s my baby-mamma. All I wanna ask you, is you got a dollar?

Zavi
Wait, so is it mine?

Guy (gets snappy)
No man!

Zavi
Well then why the f*** am I supposed to pay for it?

Guy’s girlfriend
Come on babe, quit botherin’ the man. He ain’t gonna give us nothing.

With that they walked off toward the gas station. It should be mentioned that I filled up at that gas station a week or so back and it was the same guy and his g/f asking people for money. I gave him a dollar back then, just because I thought his bit was pretty original. That day, however, I was having a bad day … and the bit was no longer original or funny.

Find out more about scripts.

Leave a Response »

 

Tell ‘em the pig story Tuesday, Apr 18 2006

Characters
Nathan, Shaun, Jen, Zavi

Location
Cabin Inn, a small bar behind the St Louis City Museum

Scene
We’re discussing relationships in respect to dominance and control of some partners.

Nathan
I dated one girl that was cool but I could only take so much. She was so dumb!

Shaun
I’m sure someone felt about me that way at one point.

Zavi
I don’t know man, I don’t really believe it would be justified for anyone to think of me or any of us as dumb. I may not have a Ph.D. in astrophysics, but I’m not dumb by any means.

Shaun
Well, you do have all kinds of crazy stories.

[everyone nods their head in agreement yes, I have had an interesting life]

Shaun
I think the pig story was the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!

Nathan
Pig story?

Shaun
But you might want to wait till the third date to tell that one.

Zavi
Yeah the pig story is pretty messed up, but then there’s also the friend’s uncle who got shot in front of our building four times and drove him self to the hospital, and another friend’s uncle who got stabbed 30 times or so (he also lived).

Shaun
I still think the pig story is the craziest one!

Nathan
What’s the pig story?

Zavi
Ok, who hasn’t heard the pig story yet?

Find out more about scripts.

Leave a Response »